I think I'm better

My dad stayed at our house today so that we could go to the wedding, which I loved. The phone is now operational. David is home. All is well with the world. Well, almost all.
My ass hurts. I keep having on and off back spasms that hurt like I can't believe. I can barely walk and Liam is so heavy in there that I feel with every step like there's a bowling ball rolling around inside me.
I am anxiously awaiting when he will come, but also scared to death. It is weird wandering around wondering every minute if this will be the last moment I am not a mother. If a contraction will suddenly overtake me or my water will break. I have a real fear of my water breaking in public. I don't know why.
And also, everything isn't done around here. But, finally, I don't seem to care. I am aching to scrub the floors on my hands and knees, but I just can't do it. My mom hasn't painted the doorframes, but I'm sure she'll get to it. The carpet isn't even ordered, though we did put a deposit on it and the guy came yesterday to measure.
And still I don't seem to care. Mostly because all I want to do is sleep and getting around is hard. I feel like such a schlub.Especially when I turn on A Baby Story and see these perky women at 39 weeks with their cute bellies RUNNING after dogs. I can barely walk down our hall.
My chair massager was helping--but I stopped using it for fear that my water would break and I'd electrocute myself.
I'm going to be a mother. I can't believe it. When I went in to pre-register at the hospital, I had to sign all this paperwork. Some of it was for me and some for the baby, but, out of habit on the "relationship to patient" line I wrote "self" on all of them. She had to go back and write in "mother." At first I thought to tell her she'd made a mistake and then I'd realised that I was, indeed, the mother. Such a strange feeling.
Like Christine said, it is going to be so overwhelming having a new role. I will no longer just be a daughter and a sister and a wife, but a mother. And I feel so grounded by the idea. Like I had been the last link in a chain, just flailing about, loose on one end and now I'll be secured from above and below. I will be eternally tied to another teeny, tiny little soul. I am so very lucky. And scared shitless.

On a different note, my Nana bought the cutest receiving blanket, which may help my swaddling abilities. Its one of those with a little cap to put the baby's head in and then you fold up the bottom and fold the two sides. But the sides have satin angel wings embroidered on and the little cap has a golden halo and when the baby is all bundled up he'll look like an angel.

Next Saturday is my shower. When we first planned to have my shower on Jan 15 it seemed so far away. Now I can't believe its almost here. And that I'm afraid Liam may have to come to his own shower.

And TUESDAY I get to see him again! I won't have seen him for 17 weeks since my level II at 20 weeks so I am SO excited. SO SO SO excited.